Let’s talk about people pleasing and how it shows up in our businesses.
Everyone has a tendency to people please.
All of us choose to do what people want, try to make others happy, or in some way please others to try and control the way they see us. Even if you believe you don’t, if you look closely enough this will be evident in your life. Dating, kids, your clients, parents, siblings. Even with random encounters.
The people pleasing isn’t necessarily the problem. The problem lies in the gap between choice and reaction. If we feel we have a choice in doing it or if it is something that we don’t have the ability to control.
Now you maybe thinking, how do I know if this is me or not. Its a fair question. And most of the time, most are aware of their tendency to people please, not by choice but by reaction.
Some of the common ways it shows up are:
- Responding to clients at anytime of day.
- Saying yes to customer requests that are way beyond the boundaries of what your service is.
- Negating your contract terms
- Not saying anything if people step outside the bounds of what’s allowed and what isn’t.
- Promising wayyyy to much.
This is normally followed by (either in the moment, or when you are having to do it) frustration or disappointment for agreeing and saying yes, or for breaking the agreements you have made with yourself, for someone else. Even at times you may creating wild elaborate stories in your mind, to get out of what you have agreed to. This is your mind trying to escape the agreement without having to face conflict of changing your mind.
Often this will then be projected onto your business, your client relationships and you may start to build up resentment and a desire to avoid these specific clients, your business and the work you do.
And here is the interesting part.
The driver for this, is most often, the desire to be accepted or approved of. All while trying to avoid loss, rejection or conflict arising in its many forms.
Even though the instant you do this, you create what you are trying to avoid inside of you. Inner Conflict, self rejection and the loss of your self worth.
So, not only are you building up resentment towards your business and yourself, you are also eroding your self worth and self belief in doing so.
Ultimately this small pattern can be the growth ceiling of your business. And often plays out with client 1 until you max out your personal threshold, not your business capacity one.
Now it’s not all doom and gloom.
Like most patterns it’s an asset until it becomes a hindrance, possibly being the reasons why people refer you, say you give above and beyond in your service and deliver exceptional service. We don’t want to give this up. But it has a threshold where it flips into a personal and business liability.
I have seen this create ceilings in income and clients. Not because they wanted to cap them, they clearly stated they wanted growth, but because they had the hidden motive to stay at this level. Being maxed on their stress threshold, and their problem solving and energy bandwith was completely taken up. (We all have different energetic capacities for problem solving and actions taken daily – if you would like to hear about this let me know and I will talk on it).
The key, (like how we help our clients is to shift) is to shift this dynamic away from being one that controls you, to one that you have the choice over. To choose if you will or you won’t say yes to requests, create large promises or stretch beyond your client relationship. This then gives you the ability to disconcert and make decisions that are fair and fitting while still upholding your standard of delivery, managing stress appropriately and making space to bring on more clients or to shift the way you do business to have greater capacity. Increasing income, profits and overall you will find a new level of service and energy for every client.
Now, most think “I can just choose to do this” yet still find themselves here years from now, stuck in the swing from people pleasing to pleasing myself and back again(more depth for another time).
Until next week,
Keep Smashing Growth Ceilings.
Justin Wiseman
