People want purpose.
They want to have a meaningful reason to be here.
One of the challenges people face in their journey to purpose is a lack of identity.
Not knowing who you are, what you need, and therefore, where you want to go?
Losing your identity, or not knowing it, hurts.
That then makes it difficult to know what your purpose is.
You’ll struggle with enmeshment in your relationships, and, at times, not like your life as it doesn’t feel like your own.
If this is you, I have one tip for you today that will change your life.
Cultivating the skill of self-reflection is an invaluable investment in your personal growth.
Self-reflection fosters self-awareness, a deeper understanding of who you are, what you need, and where you want to go.
You become an active participant in your own journey, navigating the complexities of life with greater clarity, certainty, and purpose.
You might think – ‘well, I self-reflect already Tan’.
But to find your identity, your solid sense of self, you’ll have to go deeper.
Why? Because you’ll have to learn to listen to your inner voice, drown out the outer needs of others so you know what your own needs are, and align your actions with who you truly are inside.
3 Benefits of Self-Reflection
Self-reflection offers a multitude of benefits, from developing emotional intelligence to helping you in decision-making. Here are some of the reasons to develop a regular practice of self-reflection:
- Increases self-awareness: Self-reflection helps you develop a clearer understanding of your own thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. It enables you to recognise patterns, triggers, and reactions, leading to greater self-awareness.
- Develops emotional intelligence: Through self-reflection, you can develop emotional intelligence by gaining a deeper understanding of your emotions, triggers, and how they affect your behaviour. This awareness enhances your ability to become emotionally regulated.
- Strengthens personal accountability: Self-reflection encourages personal accountability as you take ownership of your thoughts, actions, and consequences. It empowers you to take responsibility for your choices, learn from mistakes, and make positive changes for personal growth.
Self-Reflection Exercises
The Demartini Method is a self-reflection technique with powerful questions to create self-awareness, self-regulate, increase your sense of identity and gain clarity of purpose.
Each question you ask allows you to introspect and understand your behaviour and choices. It also shifts the debris from subordination and injected values, brain noise from unresolved dynamics, and more.
How do you know yourself if you’re fearful of being yourself?
So the struggle with identity begins with self-awareness.
Take the time to question yourself, in a curious way, as to why you do what you do.
Ask yourself, is this what I want?
Enmeshment comes from when we place others’ needs over yourself. And then you emesh with what they want, drowning out what you want.
So knowing yourself, being aware of what is happening around you, and self-reflection are the first steps in untangling this dynamic and the first step to freeing yourself to then being yourself.
Once you know who you are, it’ll be easier to know your purpose.
Self-reflection is an ongoing practice, requiring time, energy, and dedication. For many people, self-reflection comes naturally; for others, self-reflection may require intentional perseverance and practice.
So, if you’re struggling to find your purpose, and wondering why you haven’t been able to find ‘your thing’ yet, maybe it’s because you are struggling to find yourself.
You first, then your purpose (AKA you first, then the world).
Tanya Cross
Leadership Coach & The Coaches Coach
Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
