Responsibility can feel like a banner we raise to prove our care and capability.
For many coaches and business owners, it becomes a core part of their identity, a way to prove their worth or maintain a sense of control in their lives.
But what happens when the weight of responsibility becomes overwhelming, when it spills over from one area of life into another, leaving little room to breathe?
I recently worked with someone whose sense of responsibility stretched across their entire life.
It began in their family. They felt a deep obligation to take care of their wider family, often putting their needs aside to ensure everyone else was okay.
As daily life grew, the sense of responsibility grew too.
This pattern extended into their work, where they felt responsible not only for their tasks but also for the outcomes of their employees, their clients and the client’s results.
What drives this sense of responsibility?
It often starts in childhood, where certain roles are adopted in response to the dynamics within a family.
For some, it’s about earning love (not the higher universal love – but the societal version of love) or approval; for others, it’s about maintaining peace or avoiding conflict.
This sense of responsibility becomes a way to feel safe, valued, or connected.
Over time, it can harden into a habit, an automatic way of operating in relationships and environments.
In adulthood, these patterns can blur the boundaries between what is ours to carry and what isn’t.
Someone might take on more than their share in a relationship, believing it’s their job to keep things running smoothly. At work, they might feel personally accountable for results beyond their control.
The line between helping and over-functioning becomes harder to see, especially when their identity is tied to being ‘the responsible one.’
This dynamic isn’t random.
It’s deeply connected to how we’ve learned to connect with others.
For some, the belief that they must give more, do more, or be more to maintain relationships or prove their worth becomes a guiding principle.
Others find themselves trapped in the inability to say no, driven by a fear of rejection, judgment, or the thought of disappointing those around them.
In many cases, giving, doing, and being more feel essential to feeling secure or valued in relationships.
Over time, this can lead to a blurred sense of boundaries, where overextending oneself feels like the only way to maintain acceptance or connection.
For others, the struggle lies in the discomfort of setting limits, as the worry of how they might be perceived looms large.
In many ways, responsibility often carries an undertone of self-blame or assigning blame to others.
It can be a quiet, internal narrative where the weight of not being enough takes centre stage.
This is when the whip comes out, not in the literal sense, but as an unrelenting mental self-punishment.
It’s the voice that tells you that you’re falling short, the inner critic that keeps you tied to a cycle of over-functioning and self-doubt.
The drive to be responsible isn’t just about doing what’s right, and it’s often tied to a deeper story, one that connects self-worth with the ability to carry the weight of the world.
But at what cost?
In the end, responsibility is a complex dynamic. It impacts how we show up in the world and how we relate to others, but it can also bind us in patterns of overextension and self-criticism.
Responsibility isn’t inherently a burden, but when it becomes entangled with self-worth or the need to prove something, it can transform into a heavy, unrelenting weight that shapes our actions and sense of self.
Understanding this complexity offers you an opportunity to question not only what we carry but why we feel the need to carry it.
With love and light,
Tanya Cross
Leadership Coach & The Coaches Coach
Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator
BAppSoSc (Counselling)
